The Winter of My Discontent
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2 Peter 1:3-8
3. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4. by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, that through these you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of passion, and become partakers of the divine nature. 5. For this very reason make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6. and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7. and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8. For if these things are yours and abound, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Yesterday I experienced one of those moments of self-awareness often referred to as an “aha” moment during the sermon our Associate Pastor delivered. For one who is so introspective, I’m not always in tune with the big picture of my life. I’ve accepted this fact about myself, which is, perhaps, why I have those moments more frequently as I enter the second half-century of my life! This is not the scripture referenced in the sermon, but it certainly is on the topic of my realization.
Throughout the winter months I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not a “real” disease. In my case it can be almost debilitating. By the end of January, I’m barely hanging on typically. This past winter season I had more than the usual darkness of winter’s gray and bitter cold days. My husband lost his job, and has been on a search for another one. I left the work world as an administrator and have been working with three-year olds. Imagine almost two months with no “outside days” for one who needs light! It’s been a nearly toxic environment some weeks, though I didn’t realize it.
Yesterday the sermon topic was about being prepared, being ready and the Lenten study our church has been sharing was on the same topic. A reference was made-I don’t remember what it was exactly-that made me think of my inactivity, my lack of seeking, my near hibernation—both physical and spiritual—throughout the previous winter months. I had decided to take a break from posting morning devotions because of my new job, which requires me to leave the house pretty early in the morning. I didn’t read—anything—let along my bible or a devotional or other book – and there are many, many books sitting on the shelf, waiting for me.
As I look back upon the dark, cold winter I have just come through, I want to kick myself! The very time, the very reason, the very core of my problem is that I needed to be in Scripture and to call out to God for his guidance and sustenance, and I didn’t do anything about it! I needed to be in God’s word more than ever during those months of struggle. I needed His light and His warmth as trekked out the door in the morning. I distanced myself from the one thing that would have made my discontent and despair dissipate. It was more than a “V-8” moment! It was a profound moment of discovery! It was perhaps a turning point. It was, I hope, a wake up call.
I say I rely upon God for everything in my life. As I sit here this morning, I can click off several areas of my life where I know I can only accomplish my goals through and with him. Peter gives a fairly comprehensive list of what it means to remain active, vital and ready for the Second Coming: “make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6. and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7. and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.”
These tasks alone will keep me busy until the end of my days! I’m going to ask my husband and my covenant sisters to hold me accountable when they notice I am heading into the darkness in the future. I want to follow Jesus. I want to live in the Light.
My prayer today is that you make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and that steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. And that they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Mary
